love spoiled.

yes, he has me love spoiled.

great expectations.

learning.

growing.

progressing.

i admit, for reasons unknown, i'm terrified - of committing myself to anything.

because what if, i find something better.

i don't want to make the same mistakes twice.

& sometimes, i don't trust myself.

i don't trust that life will go my way...

i know, it's what makes life... colorful.

but i will always have my moments....

where i'm stuck in my head.

and i just need you....

to hold my hand.

history.

it's stupid.

you're always willing to repeatedly give your heart

to the first one to wound your heart.

and let history repeat itself.

and it's not even that you're in love.

because you're just looking for answers.

"why, oh why

was our love unrequited?"

as they keep you around for the comfort of knowing...

they will always be loved by you.

two thousand and nine.

I'm ready to say bye bye to '09.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us..." Dickens

I definitely had a growth spurt this year.

From being Content. Married. Workaholic. School-aholic.

And then all of a sudden, not being able to get somebody else out of my head.

I was having dreams about him.

It was then that I became aware of what my life, my love, my everything was lacking.

And there was no turning back.

My best friend stole my heart.

& we risked it all....

And it definitely came with it's hardship.

Like I was Hester Prynne, with a scarlet A across my chest.

It wasn't easy living on my own.

It wasn't easy hearing the whispers of those that were once my friends.

Ken and I were definitely alienated at times.

It wasn't easy when we lost our baby, also.

All these changes definitely put myself through a roller coaster ride.

And only led to...

A new perspective.

A new start.

Hello, 2010.

obliterated.

"her heart is obliterated. i'm trying to travel through but it's like moving mountains. it's like moving mountains. hey, but i keep climbing and hoping things would change. then the sky turns gray and the water from the rain washes progress away..."

most days, i believe i'm suppose to live my life alone.

i have a big heart. but i have a bigger guard.

oscar wilde.

"it is absurb to divide people into good or bad. people are either charming or tedious."

washignton.

i'm feeling like seattle weather.